Of course, we all majored in recognition skills during our high school years. Being positive comes naturally to everyone, and we never spend too much time dwelling on our shortcomings. Unfortunately, that is where the fairy tale must come to an end. It appears that the ability to complain is a much more developed skill than the ability to praise, and many people find it difficult only to be positive. It’s as if they can’t stop themselves from throwing in another crushing blow. If you’re anything like Carolyn Burnham (Annette Bening) in the film “American Beauty,” when she praises her daughter Jane (Thora Birch) for her cheerleading performance, she says, “I was watching you very closely, and you didn’t screw up once,” you’re a perfectionist.
Language
It is frequently stated that we receive the response we deserve when communicating. Keep this in mind the next time you request that someone complete an additional task for you. Pay close attention to the words that you use. For example, do you express your regret by saying:
“I sincerely apologise for having to bring this to your attention.”
Do you engage in ad hominem attacks, such as saying:
“Whether you like it or not, you’re going to have to finish this by 5 p.m. today.”
Do you sympathise, expressing yourself as follows:
“I understand that this is a hassle, but it is necessary.”
Do you sympathise, expressing yourself as follows:
“Poor you! You’re in such trouble!” This additional work will almost certainly result in overtime.”
…or do you enthuse by saying something like:
“Hey, you’re exactly the type of person who can assist me! I need this urgent job completed today, and I thought that you’d be the most qualified person to complete it accurately and on schedule.”
There are no prizes for predicting which approach will elicit a more enthusiastic response. Enthusiasm breeds enthusiasm, and if you can incorporate a few tokens of appreciation into your request without coming across as sarcastic, you’ll have a better chance of receiving a motivated performance.
When you genuinely compliment someone, try to express your gratitude to them. If you say something like, “It made me proud to work for the same company when I saw you handle that complex customer problem,” it means much more than, “Good job, keep it up.” “I wish I had your sense of humour and timing.” This statement says more than “I’m impressed, keep going, dude!” It says more than “Your ability to make people laugh and feel motivated to get on with the toughest and most unpleasant of jobs leaves me in awe.”
Try to express your appreciation for the behaviour by saying something like, “I appreciated your offering to call them at the end of the day to give them an update on how things were progressing.” That’s an excellent standard to strive for.”
When managers use language that is known as “verbal diarrhoea,” “let me tell you what you mean,” and “that’s not the way I’d do it,” they can develop a crippling disability that makes them unable to function correctly. As people progress up the management ladder, there is a tendency for them to lose their ability to listen while gaining an increase in their verbosity skills due to their experience. Given that they are almost certainly expected to talk for the majority of the day, keeping your ears open and your mouth shut is an essential skill when it comes to gathering information to promote informal recognition.
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